The Grammys: the good, the bad, and that hat Pharrell was wearing

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


You’ve gotta love an awards show that eschews that whole “giving awards” part to show us the actual musical performances that range from flawless to whatever was happening as Robin Thicke and Chicago sang. (Or as I like to call it, bathroom break.)  What’s not to love about a show where I can see Katy Perry voluntarily almost light her hair on fire while provocatively dancing on a broomstick, witness a tribute to the Beatles, (because it’s really time for those guys to get their due, right) watch Madonna pretend to be relevant while using a cane, and hurl obscenities at the screen whenever Taylor Swift is praised as a good singer? 
The Good:
Lordes lip color. I want to wear purple lipstick too!
Keith Urban and Gary Clarke Jr.  I would throw my panties at Gary Clarke Jr.  This performance was why I love music. And guitars. (But still not Keith’s weird Jamie Lee Curtis meets early Beiber haircut.)
Pink and that guy from fun. I feel like every year Pink is basically just making all of our daily accomplishments look menial.  Hey guys I just sang my ladyballs off while hanging 50 feet in the air from my feet.  Oh you gave an excellent PowerPoint presentation without cue cards? How nice for you.  (Also I feel like she is a walking crossfit commercial. I need to go to the gym.)
The first time I’ve ever enjoyed something by Lana Del Rey was during a Disney Commercial. Just saying.
Kacey Musgraves winning best country album while wearing a lampshade.  Such a well deserved win for an awesome album.
Carol King and Sara Bareilles together, because these are two people who I would listen to as they sang in the shower with a cold.  Love them.
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and a giant wedding that includes people of all sexual preferences.  I cried. Keith urban cried. It was pretty great.
The Bad:
Thumbs down for an awards show celebrating music having terrible sound at least 40% of the show.  Poor Hunter Hayes. And is it just me or does Stevie Wonder not know the words to this song? 

Taylor Swift dancing in front of people trying to see around her.  It’s bad enough that I’m subjected to watching T Swift throughout the entire show (because why appreciate music while seated when you can get people to pay attention to you instead of the act on stage,) but girl, you’re like 6 feet tall.  The guy behind you wants to cut your Achilles.
Who isn’t surprised that there is fire on stage while Metallica plays?  Really? Also, I’ve never seen so many sadly aging rockers together on one stage.  Lars Ulrich looks like he regularly views child pornography, just saying.
Steven Tyler does Jack Sparrow on cocaine. Oh just shut up Steven.
The Incredibly Strange
LL Cool J explaining his apparent lifetime gig of being the Grammy host by reminding us that he is a former Grammy winner. For ten minutes. 
Pharrell, Smokey the Bear wants his hat back. You can’t be original and cool in the headgear department while standing next to two dudes dressed as robots. 
Lordes dance moves. Seriously girl, I love you so, but please stop seizing on my television and sing.

5 comments:

  1. Loved this. You are so spot on with many things. Love that Pink is a badass, always. And Carol King just makes me smile! I wanted to create a Twitter account just for the Grammys. A few of my favorite moments: While Taylor was whipping her neck continously, I was just waiting for her to chip her teeth on the mic. Also, yet another award show where she dances like an idiot in the front row.... You know the producers AND her have an earpiece and say "cue Taylor dancing." I thought Willie and Kris got super stoned before the ceremony, forgot to rehearse and were just hoping not to die up there. Although, I've always love Highway Man. Asking Ringo to participate while everyone just wanted to see Paul. I was reeeeally hoping Sean Lennon would join them. Instead, we got to see him watching Yoko awkwardly dance to Daft Punk. Madonna barely being able to stand without that cane. Ryan Lewis pulling Queen Latifah out of the way.... Just couldn't compare to last years performances with The Black Keys, Jack White, Levon Helm tribute etc. But always entertaining!

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    1. I couldn't agree more with the Levon Helm tribute Sara, it was FAR better than almost anything that happened at this year's awards. And you'll love this little piece... http://kotaku.com/taylor-swift-is-a-terrible-street-fighter-character-1511053958

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  2. Omg. Best review EVER!! I totally busted out laughing at that guy wanting to cut T-swizzle's Achilles, LOL!

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  3. Pink is just the best, and while I do have another favorite Lana Del Ray song...that Maleficient trailer was amazing!!!

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  4. Lorde dances like a corpse being electrocuted. Very strange.

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