Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Recently, I've been reading a lot of blog posts from many of my favorite bloggers speaking of their recent struggles with blogging and the desires to simply stop blogging.  It came as something of a shock to me to see these women who have had such a hand in inspiring me to pursue blogging, but a tiny piece of me saw this as...comforting isn't the right word, but I'm going to use it anyways.  So often the things that we see on blogs represents this ideal, perfect looking life, one that we can't help but measure ourselves against.  I often find myself marveling over how other bloggers find the time, money, and inspiration to do half of the things they do while maintaining any semblance of a normal life, especially when I've been staring at my computer screen searching for the right words, or pictures, (normally while sitting in an unmade bed, clad in a ratty t-shirt, with Parks and Rec reruns playing in the background.)  How could I ever even find the time to be that awesome/inspired/pretty? 

Now at that point, I often have to take a step back at this point to realize that what I'm seeing is clearly a very curated slice of this bloggers life, Obviously, no one wants their entire life to be open for scrutiny to everyone and their mothers and while it's in no way dishonest to want to keep certain things private, this constant stream of perfection gets a little bit...boring.  (As EZ of Creature Comforts' put it, "The more and more conversations I have with other bloggers and readers of blogs, the more sure I become of the fact that we are all just a little bit sick of all this perfection.")  For me, the posts that I often find the most refreshing are those that speak to the real things, good and bad, that are happening in their lives.  Their not so perfect parts make them all the more relatable.   

This leads me to the "Things I'm Afraid Of" posts that I've been seeing around the interwebs lately inspired by Jess Constable with the goal of a more honest and transparent blog-land. For me, I've only been blogging for a short while, but I've noticed that even I have fallen into the "always sunny" trap at times, or when things got a bit too close to the uncomfortable truth.  (I do care what y'all think of me!)  That being said, the idea of a more honest and transparent blogosphere that comes together to expose some weaknesses shows a strength that is way to inspiring to pass up.  So here goes...

** I"m averagely good at a lot of things, but sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not awesome at anything.  I worry that I'll never find my calling.   

** Sometimes I worry that noone is really reading my blog.  I blog because I love it, but I won't lie, comments really mean a lot to me.  I love to know that I'm not just talking to my mema and mom. (Though I love you two TONS!)

** I  have been trying to take outfit photos for a post this month over and over, but I literally hate how all of them look.  I'm not someone who is incredibly self conscious of my body, but I'm not workin with a size two so some self doubt has wedged itself into my brain lately.  

** I realized recently that the majority of my waking hours are now spent on a computer.  Between my office job and blogging/web surfing at home, my brain rarely gets a break from the computer screen.  I really need to take some time away every day, but sometimes it's had to break away!

** I have a pretty great boyfriend who lives 4 hours away in New York City, and at times the distance really sucks.  He's pretty awesome so it's definitely worth it, but I really look forward to the time when we're actually near one another or a regular basis. 

** I'm kinda over Boston.  It's a really great city, but I don't really feel like it's my place anymore.   I'm pretty eager to try something/somewhere new, so you may be seeing some big changes over the next few months.

**  I curse like a sailor.  A really filthy sailor. I've always made it a point to not use that kind of language on this blog because you never know who is reading, (and yes, my grandmother is one of those people!) .  The same can be said of the fact that IRL (In Real Life,) I'm very politically vocal, (and pretty liberal,) and have pretty strong views on religion and human rights. (I'm an atheist and an avid supporter of equal rights.) I've avoided these topics, (and will likely continue to avoid them on this blog,) because I've never wanted to turn someone off of my otherwise awesome-ness because they were uncomfortable with my potty-mouth or personal opinions, but sometimes, I feel that I'm not always representing myself fully.

Phew.  There I am.  Imperfect but real. I can't tell you how scary some of that was to say out loud (in type?) but how much better I feel for it.  I would love to know some of the things that you're afraid to say, even if they're scary.  Let me know if you're also participating in making blogging just a little more real.  Love you all xoxo Fearsy
Boxbird


6 comments:

  1. I love this. And I can totally relate on the comments thing, so I wanted to let you know that I'm reading.

    And I'm not your mom or anything!

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  2. Way to put it all out there Ash! And keep up the great blogging, it keeps me busy when I work back here ;) Love ya!

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  3. i think if you're honest, even if people don't agree with everything you say, that people will respect you. i have a ton of flaws, and while i don't like to admit them all, i figure i might as well throw a few out there. you never know who's reading! i love reading your "flaws" (although cursing is not a flaw in my book), and i wouldn't stop reading just because you're not perfect!!

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  4. Don't be afraid that nobody reads your blog! I've read every post and constantly check for new ones.

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  5. I'm new, but i'm reading! I love that you are so honest in this post. So refreshing...
    -Brittany
    http://itsybittythings.blogspot.com

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  6. I also really resent that I'm spending more time on the computer because of blogging, BUT the way that I look at it, the more I go outside and do fun things in my town, the more I get a chance to document it and make my blog more interesting! The whole reason I started blogging was to inspire myself to go out and do/make new things and have a place to document them. I just need to remember to not get so caught up in the computer that I forget that :)

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