I've been reading the oh-so-hilarious book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling, literally laughing out loud on the train, when I came upon the chapter that essentially sealed our impending BFF status for life, aptly entitled Non-Traumatic Things That Have Made Me Cry. It's like she can see inside my brain.
Why you ask? Well, I'm a crier. Crier might not even be the correct term, it's really like super sobber. I'm not just talking about the moments where all feeling humans would cry, like a Nicholas Sparks movie, (which I believe are specifically designed because Nicholas Sparks likes watching people cry...) but generally non-sad, even happy moments that have driven me to tears faster than you can snap your fingers. (I believe I began crying during the opening credits of The Help, simply because I knew what was going to happen...) I've listen a few of these moments in no particular order...
Commercials with inspirational aspirations
Seriously, a good commercial can make me sob like a child who dropped their Popsicle in the sand. There are two levels of commercial crying for me, those that are intentionally heartbreaking, (essentially any commercial created for the Olympics see: runner who falls down below.Derek Redmond commercial below.)
The second level involves the killer combination of helpless baby animals and their loving animal parents helping them out. You know what I'm talking about . That damn baby Clydesdale Budweiser commercial will make me cry right now just thinking about it.
Live Music Moments When I'm Awkwardly Surrounded By People
There's something about seeing your favorite artists live that can make any song infinitely more poignant as they're singing their hearts out 100 feet from you than when you're lying on your bed listening to a record. These moments tend to strike me at inopportune times, cue: Me at Iron & Wine's Radio City concert last January surrounded by my friends who were clearly not sobbing. (I partially blame this on my ability to surround myself with friends who believe feelings are passe, making them occasional soulless robots who refuse to hug me or experience any form of friendly touching. I'm talking to you Lo.) I'm pretty much a Sam Beam megafan, so I had done a decent job of simply silently sobbing throughout the majority of the concert, but then he had to whip out the big guns with The Trapeze Swinger. I know every last word to this song but you'd never know it because I was a blubbering mess throughout it's entirety. (Note: I believe the real tears begin around the lyrics "And then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates/ Had some eloquent graffiti/ Like 'We'll meet again' and 'Fuck the man'/ And 'Tell my mother not to worry' If this doesn't make you cry, I truly believe that you have a fuse box for a heart.)
When I Am Incredibly Angry
Fairly straightforward... If I'm angry enough to cut you, I'll probably also have tears streaming down my face. This would make me the worlds most confusing hitman/ interrogating officer like those in The Closer and Law & Order.
When my favorite TV characters finally end up together, I am happier than when some friends get married. (Sorry guys.) i.e. Kelly and Zach's wedding from the Saved by the Bell wedding TV special, Andy & April's wedding on Parks and Rec, and Jim and Pam finally tying the know on The Office. These moments bring on waterworks like you can't believe. (And incidentally, any sort of choreographed dance moves that take place during these televised moments.... I'm dying.)
Basically Anything Pixar Ever Creates
The montage in which Jessie reveals her cynicism lingering from Emily's abandonment? Waterworks. When Marlin's will is broken after seeing his son, apparently dead? Dear lord hand me a box of Kleenex.The opening montage to Up when we see Carl Fredrickson and his wife growing old together till their eventual separation? Jesus Christ I'm dying. When Wall-E's eyes fill with joy and hope upon Eva's return only to find her reprogrammed and seemingly not remembering him? There are no words. Based on their beauty alone I can bring up some serious tears, but the epic journeys and tales of friendship in each story leaves me an exhausted sobbing mess. I literally have to prepare for these moments.