What's Making Me Happy #157

// 1 // I'm super into pennants, and this one from Seltzer Goods is gonna need to be an addition to my collection.

// 2 // I've been missing the Colbert Report since it went off the air last winter, but I've been loving listening to his new podcast, all about the process of preparing for the late show. I can't wait for it to start.

// 3 // Noah Gundersen's last album was probably one of the most played albums of the year for me last year, and if his new single is any indication, this new one is going to be amazing.

// 4 // Speaking of hilarious shit, Jenny Lawson has a new book, Furiously Happy, coming out next month. Her last one made me laugh so much I peed a little. 

// 5 // An easy and awesome gold letter DIY.

// 6 // This Lord of the Rings theory will blow your MIND.

// 7 // When she couldn't find female versions of her daughters favorite superhero and television characters, she made her own

// 8 // Roxane Gay recapped Magic Mike XXL, and it is hilarious. I almost lost my shit when I read the following line..."My vagina fluttered away from my body, toward the screen and into Magic Mike’s hands..." But just when I thought I couldn't laugh any harder she said this..."By the middle of this foursome, my vagina exploded and resurrected itself three seconds later and exploded again." Basically you should read it. 

// 9 // And finally, this letter written to the Always maxipad Brand Manager is everything you've wanted to say when you're dying from that time of the month.
And just because it's Friday and this is my damn blog, here's a little MMXXL extra for you. #iwantitthatway

popluck dinner




I wanted to take a hot second to tell y’all a little bit about another project I’ve been working on with my girl, Khali over at The Collective Table. I’ve previously shared my first article on the blog here too, and get excited, because there’s more! (My latest article is right here.) I’ll be trying to post over there (and on here) a lot more often now that life has stopped being so damn crazy, and I’d love for y’all to check it out. ALSO, TCT is looking for other interesting, unique, voices to add to the conversation. There’s no limit to what you can talk about, be it books, travel, movies, design, television, agriculture, whether the west coast really is the best cost, technology, sports, current affairs, music, and the environment. The important thing is that you share YOUR voice, YOUR thoughts, and YOUR perspective.

Interested in pitching an idea?

Send it in! Three to five sentences on what you want to write about and a line or two on who you are gives us a sense of what you’re bringing. Keep it clear, keep it concise, and make it compelling. Whether you send a fully formed piece or an idea you’ve been mulling over, it should have an identity, a narrative arc, and personality. Pitch the piece you want to read. Pitches can be sent to hali@thecollectivetable.com. I can’t wait to read your shit.

L.I.V.I.N.

Some shit has happened since I blogged last. I've been busy. Doing shit. (Sorry Mema for the repetitive use of shit. It's my word of the day.)

I haven't done an Inst-recap of life in a long while, and I really figured that, what the hell, I haven't blogged about pretty much anything in the past few months that isn't a T-Rex shower head or Chris Pratt's abs, so here's a quick recap of the past few months in grams and words and likely a lot of cursing. Because that's how I roll.

We threw a wedding' for my little bro and his (now) wife. I officiated because the Internet basically allows you to do all things and I'm one funny bitch.  I'm still trying to figure out if I can make up my own title, and if so, if I can be Pope Fears without being smote. (smoten? smited? F you grammar.) I managed to make a fart joke, a Step Brothers reference, and use Beyonce lyrics as the i-dos all in the span of about 15 minutes, so I think it's safe to say that I win at officiating. My friends had a bet on how long it would take me to start crying. The person who guessed, "immediately" won. My friends are assholes.
A video posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
Big Al decided to take up beekeeping a few years ago despite my mother being incredibly allergic to bee stings. (You see where I get it from?) His solution? Put them in the middle of the woods. I took the bees a little treat. Big Al assured me I would not need to wear the entire beekeeping suit because they wouldn't be concerned with stinging me unless I "fed" the bees by body slamming the hive.

I told him I loved costumes and to stop telling me how to live my life.
A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
One of the things that happens when you turn 30 is apparently your entire body decides to begin shutting down on you organ by organ. What started as concern over never-ending gas moved to midnight WebMD cancer scares, which led to my nurse on call to tell me she thought I was having a heart attack. Yeah. Someone give her the Nurse Ratchet Award for patient sensitivity. I eventually went to Urgent Care, which sent me to the Emergency Room, which made me pee in a cup four times, force me to wait in the waiting room for 8 hours next to a man who chose to walk INTO the hospital barefoot before putting on his shoes, and then rushing me into surgery to perform an emergency appendectomy. This little gem is the shortened version of Ashley on anesthesia. First there are tears,  then there is anger, then there is my mother using me for video fodder.

Everyone understands how to play Marco Polo jerks.
A video posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
Game of Thrones basically ruined me for all other television for the year and I spent far more hours than a grown woman should creating and sharing memes and crawling down the rabbit hole of reddit to get way to into fan theories. I am basically a Westeros historian now.
A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
I finally got to see a St Louis Cardinals game at the new Busch Stadium with my man friend. We hate hot dogs and drank beer and basically were the most American ever.

A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
We filmed a little video for an organization whose board I sit on. I didn't know where to put my hands. (You can view the video here.)
A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
Remember above when I said I was the most American ever. Well that was before these two pictures. My dog and I are basically a national treasure. And whoever invented these cover-ups is my favorite person alive. Who needs abs when I can just shroud my Cheeto induced love handles with a painting of a bikini body?
A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on

A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
I learned that when recovering from having your abdomen cut open, the only thing to do is watch Netflix and shop online. I may have redecorated my entire home from my couch. And by that I mean bought all the things on Amazon and asked my dad to build things for me. Because when AREN'T you going to need 3x3 foot photos of dinosaurs on your walls?

A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
I should also mention that when you spend a week watching Netflix movies and Law & Order reruns, you will inevitably realize that you haven't seen the Never-ending Story since you were 10. You will then have your childhood ruined by realizing that it has some of the worst acting ever, (even by 80's standards,) that the scene where Artax dies is still the most traumatic piece of cinematic awfulness known to man, and that the Ivory Tower is basically a giant vagina.
A photo posted by Ashley Fears (@afearsy) on
Childhood ruination complete.